Valuable Lesson

What is a leading cause of stress in parenting? Comparing your child's develpment or behavior to other children.  

I was reminded of this valuable lesson this weekend with regards to Kylie's napping. I realized that I was having unrealistic expectations of Kylie based on the way other children go down for a nap.  

The lesson?  To do what is right and comfortable for you and your child.  Every child is different.  Remembering that, released the pressure and the stress!

Looking forward to nap time for the first time in a long time, because today, we'll do it our way, and just enjoy. 

Raising the Future

I believe that when you hear the same message over and over from several different sources, Someone is trying to be sure you get the message. 

Message 1:  Today was a cool morning. Kylie and I stayed inside and played.  Just before nap time, we began playing with her dollies.  She asked the baby doll if she was hungry.  I, er, the doll said yes.  Kylie proceeded to ask her what she'd like.  Gave her a few different things and then helped her down from the doll's high chair.  And gave her a big hug and kiss.  I smiled, thinking, huh - that's just what I do with Kylie.  And it really hit home just how much she pays attention to how we interact.

Message 2:  I saw a clip of a very clever 12 year old, Adora Svitak.  Her message was beautiful and you would think so obvious... we are raising the next generation.  And she challenged the adults of the world not to try to "grow" children in their own image and box in their creativity, but to allow children to "blow us away" by taking us to the next level.

Message 3:  On my Facebook Fan Page, we're talking about Mother's Day and today, we explored what we appreciate about our own mothers.  I acknowledged my own Mom for her attention to her children.  There are 6 of us, but growing-up and even now, Mom always makes us feel special and worthy of her attention.  I truly believe it contributed to our self-confidence and trust.

Message 4:  A friend, creative and fellow coach, Ellie Jacques-Capon, quite simply said to me (in more words or less), "Wow.  A mother of 6 was able to make each child feel special and got not just attention, but quality attention.  That can be hard even for a mother of 1.  Can you imagine if you shared your Mom with the world, the inspiration that could be to other parents?"

What all these messages seem to be telling me:  As parents, we really have the most awesome power to bring change to the world... in the way we raise our children, in the way we treat our children, in the way we teach our children, in the way we let our children be. 

As a New Parent Coach, I love to help new Moms and Dads overcome the challenges of parenthood because I believe it benefits the whole family when Mom and Dad can release that stress and focus on parenting and each other.  These messages have inspired me to develop a teleseminar series rooted in the concept that "we parents make a difference".   If you're interested in learning more about these teleseminars, please sign up on my website or here to receive details as soon as they're available.

Parenting - a full-time job

I was on a teleseminar the other day.  The host referenced a blogger who said that motherhood (parenthood) should not be viewed as a job.  That removing that "tag" or "label" would relieve the pressure on moms to be "successful."

I've thought long and hard about that.  And you know what?  I do believe that parenting is indeed a job - a full time one, at that, whether you already have a "real" job or not. 

Consider the elements of a job... pay, bonuses, feeling of accomplishment, sense of success or failure.  I say that parenthood has all of these!

Pay - hugs and kisses.  Smiles that melt your heart.

Bonuses - random acts of kindness by your children (and maybe even your spouse!), original artwork, crazy storytelling

Accomplishment - contributing to the greater good of humanity by raising a well-rounded child

Sense of success or failure - your child is a reflection of your parenting, for better or worse

As a stay-at-home Mom (and a New Parent Coach), I take my Mom job seriously -- I don't put Kylie (now 2 yrs old) in front of the TV for hours so that I can busy around the house.  We play, we learn, we grow together.  She's my little buddy.  She's a caring, sweet, loving little girl.  Creative and funny.  And soooo smart!  And when people compliment how sweet she is or how impressed they are that she can spell her name, I take a small amount of pride in that. And when Kylie looks at me and says "Mommy, guess what?  I love you sooo much," my heart melts. 

So when I'm being tried by mid-night wakings or Kylie's testing her boundaries, I know that this is all part of the job, and that each "trial" is an opportunity for growth (for both of us!).

Taking it "Snow"

Saturday morning, Matt & I were so excited to show Kylie all the snow.  The Blizzard of 2009 they called it on the news, and it was just getting started.  We came downstairs with Kylie and threw open the curtains.  Kylie was in awe of the sight.  In her own words "Wow!  It's snow!  It's amazing!"

It continued to snow all day long, up until maybe 11 pm or so.  We ended up with 17 or 18 inches.  The weather kept us home all weekend, but we didn't mind.  It almost seemed like God was telling us to slow down and savor this moment, this age of wonderment, and the spirit of the holidays.  We built fires, drank hot chocolate, watched Elmo's Christmas Countdown (for the billionth time), and played lots.  We thoroughly enjoyed every minute of being snowed in.

Sunday came and the snow stopped falling.  So, we bundled Kylie up for her first snow experience.  I think Matt & I were eager with anticipation to bring her out there.  We had visions of snowmen and snowball fights...  but when we got outside, and as I started out into the snow, I heard Kylie's little voice say "No, Mommy!  Come back here!"  She wouldn't budge from the deck.  She said she was scared.  And who could blame her?  The stuff came up to her waist!  She couldn't move her legs!  I'd be pretty scared, too!  So, what did I do?  I plopped her right in the middle of it.  Daddy came next to her and so did Teddy.  We all started playing with the snow and making snowballs.  The snow was a bit to light and fluffy for snowmen, but Kylie found another way to enjoy the snow.

Matt valiantly took on the task of shoveling... and Kylie used her beach shovel to "help."

She eventually got comfortable enough with the snow that she found herself a nice little seat in the snow and cheered on her Daddy while he made a path from our door.

Sure, we didn't stay outside too long -- Kylie was soon pulling off her mittens and her hat kept coming off -- but it was enough to see the joy and excitement in Kylie's eyes.  And in the end, that's what it's all about... having fun.  Together.

Yesterday was good, but Today is even better

You know, there are times that I find myself in a daydream of yesterday's carefree days, only to be snapped out of it by Kylie calling saying something like "Mommy - more milk, please."  But tonight, I was reminded why those days of yesterday were good, but Today is even better. 

Last night we decorated the Christmas tree... the very first time we did so with Kylie's help.  She was so excited as we pulled out the special box that held the Christmas ornaments.  My mother would give us an ornament every year as we were growing up (a fabulous tradition that we've begun for Kylie).  Kylie's eyes were wide as she chose ever so carefully each ornament she wanted to hang on the tree.  I think one branch ended up with 4 or 5 ornaments, but let's just say the bottom part of our tree was very well decorated indeed.  I think it was the most fun we've had decorating the tree in years!  The "magic" is back in the holidays!

In Thanksgiving...

Sometimes amidst the hustle and bustle of going here and there, it’s easy to get caught up in the stress of traffic and lose sight of where it is you’re going and why. 

It was “my family’s turn” for Thanksgiving this year.  So, Tuesday night, we packed up the car, Kylie and our dog Teddy.  We prefer to travel by cover of darkness.  Kylie sleeps most of the way, and traffic is usually light.  Well, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving is the new Wednesday for travel.  Lots of travelers, even after midnight, turning our usual 4 hour trip into a tiring 5 ½ hours.  But we were glad the following morning when we woke up and had a day of rest and just visiting with family and friends.

Thanksgiving morning, my husband and I took Kylie to church.  Kylie was so well-behaved and enjoyed the singing.  It was in that moment that I looked at my family and thought “This is what I’m thankful for.”   After church, we all filled up 3 cars of people and drove over to Grandma’s house.  Another car ride, but we didn’t mind so much.  We were focused on the fun of being together. 

Friday was back in the car to go back to my parents’ house.  My sister Carin, her husband and their 2 month old baby came over.  It was a bit surreal to see my younger sister with a baby, but it was awesome.  Everyone wanted to hold the baby, especially me.  And Kylie even got to hold him!  Precious moments.

Saturday we celebrated my father’s 60^th birthday.  I thought, “What better way to celebrate than to have all your kids home, enjoying each others’ company… laughter in every room.”

Saturday night we traveled back to our own home, eager to sleep in our own beds, once again sharing the road with many, many other weary travelers.  And we found ourselves once again thinking “Ugh.  Never again are we traveling for a holiday.”

But now, comfortably back home, looking through the pictures from the weekend, I’m reminded of why every year we do “go home” for one holiday or another.  Because the memories and time with family are worth it.

We've Come a Long Way, Baby...

It's true what "they" say...  it goes by in the blink of an eye.  I can't believe that Kylie is two years old. 
The thing I love about birthdays is it's a great time for reflection.  As I look at my little girl, I am amazed at all she's accomplished in her short two years of life.  And for that matter, us, too! 
 Right from the start, we were challenged by breastfeeding.  But we stuck to it, and worked through it. 
We decided to co-sleep and had lots of nay-sayers tell us what a terrible precedent we were setting.  But Kylie sleeps fantastically in her own bed, and she knows that if she calls, she can trust that we will be there to comfort her. 
We thought it would be best for our family for me not to return to my traditional 9 to 5, and instead stay home to raise our daughter and pursue my career as a life coach.  It was the best decision we've ever made.
Kylie is thriving, smart, funny, a talented singer & dancer, playful...

Why do I mention all this?  Because I know there are parents out there who are having a tough go of it, and wondering if things will ever get better....  I promise you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  And all your efforts and love will show up in the wonderful little child you present to the world each day.